Back to School

My parents trusted me enough to send me back to school today. I really am glad they let me go back, but at the same time I was still distracted from work by my need to purge. I don't want school to be taken away from me by the demands of this disorder; I feel that my parents would never let me go back as well if they found I was purging. I did it three times today, but only a bit each time so I wouldn't miss too much class. I came in late to class 3rd period, and my teacher accused me of ditching class. Some other people in my class had noticed my absences due to purging and had noted that I was around school before 3rd period and started incessantly questioning me about my whereabouts. An uncomfortable wave of guilt flushed over me. I began to feel remorse and shame over the lowliness of my actions. Purging isn't pleasant, but missing class to do it in a public bathroom? That is a low I never thought I would reach. I also totally took advantage of my parents fear of me not keeping my food down and convinced them to feed me less. For lunch my mom brought me a big 100 bar and a vitamin water, both of which I eagerly got rid of with time to spare before the bell rang. I felt remorse for this, and ended up telling my parents about it in the session I had with Dr. Jacobs this afternoon. She was vehemently opposed to me going to school because of the purging. She gave my parents hell for ,"conceding to the disorder" by feeding me less, so I expect an increase in my portions tomorrow in response. I really did manipulate them, it's strange because normally I am a trustworthy person but this disorder has made me a lying cheat. I hate myself for not fighting harder against the deceitful streak of ED. I really hope tomorrow I can put down purging for good.