I made it through the day, but I've run out of steam. Unfortunately for me, this isn't just some 7 day experiential blog; after today, I have to keep with the same procedure, on and on until I'm better. My problem I'm finding now is just that I feel like once I get better, I will have nothing to live for. My mom tells me I should just eat so I can get better and go to the gym and run like I used to everyday. Indeed, that was what I used to like to do, but only by the force of the disorder which compelled me to exercise every day. Once this is gone, there will be no drive for me to do this, and I will be left deflated and depressed. I feel like I am, that is, the real me, frozen in a cryogenic chamber. What I fear is that the real me will be awakened to a bleak reality. I have thought about it, and I feel like the only way to combat this can be compared to opening a bank account in the distant past, and then going to the future to reap its accumulated wealth. So that the real Andrew will awake in the future with some level of richness in his life, I must create some things to look forward to. The problem is, my current self doesn't take interest in anything and can't think to even the near future. I hope that eating will show me an answer to this problem, as it has before even when I have doubted it. Now more than ever I must put my faith in food as medicine to persevere.

As far as the real events of the day, I actually think I ate less than I've eaten this whole week, and I felt more fatigued for it, which shows the power of nutrition on a depraved body. At breakfast, my dad woke up late, so he couldn't make me anything that big. All I had was a yogurt with ample granola and a banana. For lunch, my mom only brought one small turkey sandwich and a muscle milk. I didn't even eat any snacks today because I had a doctors appointment directly after school and then a scout meeting, leaving no time for that. For dinner, 3 slices of pizza, some salad and milk were mercifully given to me. Because the portions were so much smaller than what I was used to, I didn't hear ED nearly at all today. This is promising, because it shows that I have hope of being normal again in having the ability to eat 3 meals a day without fretting over it. I still am bothered by the fact where as other people get to go back to normal after their blog projects, I have to live this, probably for several more months, I can't see it getting much harder than it has been already, but still, to be able to just quit and be normal would be a most attractive prospect.